There once was Glee and Family

I don't watch Modern Family

But wanted it to lose to Glee

I guess I can't judge

And don't hold a grudge

But it seems much more ordinary.

There once was a show that got Lost

So Mad Men the Emmy did score

I'm sorry, I think it's a bore

It was a great mystery

Will go down in history

I wish Lost did not get ignored

There once was an Emmy for Claire

Apparently Claire Danes was great

In a role that's so Emmy bait

So was she delirious

With her "like, for serious"

Or is she still Angela Chase?

There once was a Clooney named George

George Clooney is a total badass

His intentions are really first class

His speech can't be beat

Kept it short and sweet

And even peppered in some sass.

There once was an incestuous system

Awards shows should not win awards

Although I can't say I was floored

It's way too inbred

Voters are brain dead

No surprise that The Tonys scored.

There once was a show I won't watch

I know people love Breaking Bad

But it seems unmercifully sad

Was rooting for Fox

Or Chandler, who rocks

For either of those I'd be glad.

There once was an opening salvo

So this year I'm pulling for Lost

In hopes that Mad Men will get tossed

But Mad Men won writing

Uphill Lost is fighting

It's chances might begin to frost :(

There once was a stale category

Since the first reality Emmy

It has played out predictably

The Amazing Race

Always took first place

But Top Chef broke the streak – whoopee!

There once was a big bang upset

With people like Carell and Baldwin

As really big time competition

The Big Bang guy won

People said "come on!"

His PR team was on a mission.

There once was a Family and Glee

Modern Family went two for two

It started to look like a coup

But then Jane Lynch won

And her speech was fun

Before off the stage she was shooed.

There once was an Emmy host named Jimmy

Jimmy opened the show with a bang

By performing with the Glee gang

Then grabbed a guitar

And while breathing hard

Wished to himself he hadn't sang.

There once was a Pilgrim named Scott

Unless you played video games

You might think this is pretty strange

It's anime meets

The Rage of the Streets

And within Michael Cera's range.

They've made movies that are slavishly devoted to their graphic novel source material before – sometimes you score a 300 and sometimes you get stuck in Sin City. Fortunately, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World is way more of the former, as it's full-tilt fun from the first minute on.

The movie sums up a series of graphic novels by Bryan Lee O'Malley, hitting the high points of the six-book cycle. It's the oldest story in the world: boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy has to fight girl's seven evil exes, evil exes explode into coins when boy punches them, and so on. That's right – in addition to other visual flourishes like captions appearing on screen and cartoon hearts appearing over characters kissing, Scott Pilgrim comes off like a slacker version of Super Mario Bros.

Michael Cera delivers another patented performance as the sorta-nerdy-sorta-cool-vaguely-effeminate-emo-type-guy, but in this case it's pretty much perfect casting. The rest of the cast scores, too, particularly a couple cameos by Chris Evans and Brandon Routh. And director Edgar Wright steps outside of his previous parodies to deliver a film with similar visual sizzle but a different kind of emotional connection. At heart, Scott Pilgrim is a fairly standard twentysomething story, but the inventive style, videogame trappings and underlying sweetness elevate it to another level.

There once was a plan: Eat, Pray Love

This story of personal journey

Does not make all that great a movie

There's some great food porn

Overall I'm torn

On whether this flick's worth your rupees.

Full disclosure: Julia Roberts stayed at one of our honeymoon hotels in Bali while shooting the "love" part, so I entered the theater with more than your average amount of goodwill for the film.

Fuller disclosure: I still didn't love the movie.

It's based on the autobiographical book by Liz Gilbert, a woman who loses herself in a marriage and sets out to visit three different destinations (Italy, India and Bali) to find herself again. Along the way, she befriends a spunky younger woman and is mentored by a wise older man... three times in a row.

Eat Pray Love is sumptuously shot, generally well-acted and has some powerful moments, but the whole is somehow less than the sum of its parts. Each section feels like a start-to-finish mini-movie, which is a little jarring when you're charting a yearlong journey of self-discovery. After "Eating" her way through Italy, where she meets fabulous friends, devours amazing food, and self-actualizes about her body image, it's odd that when she arrives in India, it feels as if none of it has happened – Liz is back to the morose and withdrawn mess she was when she started.

On top of that, the movie absolutely grinds to a halt in "Pray." Second act problems aren't unique for films, but when forty minutes of your movie revolves around someone psyching themselves up to meditate, you're in serious trouble. Things pick up a bit in Bali, although that's basically because the movie morphs into a fairly traditional romance. A couple of complications ensue, but the ending is nothing that you won't see coming.

Eat Pray Love... Watch? I'm gonna say cable. Netflix if you're invested in the book. It's certainly enjoyable, but also not memorable.

There once was a spy they called Salt

While mostly a silent avenger

This Salt is a spy to remember

The crowds should be rushin'

To this sexy Russian

Too bad the critics didn't concur.

Bourne. Jane Bourne.

Angelina doesn't speak much in Salt, but if she did I bet she'd eventually get around to introducing herself as such. Because from the central identity crisis to trademark shaky-cam, Salt's very much in the mold of the Matt Damon adventures. But what it might lack in originality it more than makes up for in visceral thrills, as a few seconds after the credits it turns into a super solid thriller that's well worth watching.

The movie's centered around a mystery teased in the trailer and poster – is Evelyn Salt a spy, good guy, bad guy or all of the above? It takes several twists, turns and triple crosses to get that answer, and it whips along at a powerful pace that's energetic without being frantic. Jolie is terrific – more a force of nature than a character, but as she strides through her scenes all guns and cheekbones blaring, she totally dominates the screen.

There are sequel rumors rumbling, and even though it's not performing terribly well domestically, future stories are set up nicely and I hope we get the chance to check them out. See it on the big screen if you get a chance, but it would hold up at home as well. Don't let this Salt slip through your fingers – it'd definitely be bad luck.

There once was a dream called Inception

The director of the Dark Knight

Apparently only does right

While the top keeps spinning

Count Oscars it's winning

He should be the king of the night.