There once was a Man made of Iron

Though Iron Man is known for soaring

The second one's notably boring

Too bad that this sequel

The first film can't equal

You would be forgiven for snoring.

Despite starring a second-tier superhero, the first Iron Man movie succeeded thanks to a terrific turn by Robert Downey, Jr. plus a generally upbeat tone and snappy sense of style. The sequel, while featuring the same star and director, has none of the energy that made the first one so fun. Apparently story problems plagued the production, with the script not being set before shooting and many of the plots being worked out along the way. It shows – the movie is a muddled mess of uninteresting side stories that does little more than serve as a teaser for the upcoming Avengers films.

SPOILERS AHEAD, I suppose, altho I'm not sure how much that warning matters as so little actually happens.

While the series' creators did a terrific job in realizing the Tony Stark/Iron Man character, in two full films they've yet to create a villain worth watching. Mickey Rourke wanders around as "Whiplash," an inventor competitor that tries to exact revenge for Tony Stark's father wronging his father mostly by mumbling threats through an incomprehensible accent and typing instructions to robots with his ruddy dinosaur fingers. His partner in crime is Justin Hammer, whose evil scheme is the imaginative idea of making slightly different versions of Iron Man suit, just with more guns. Much of this action takes place at the "Stark Expo," a World's Fair of sorts that Tony Stark has apparently built at his own expense in order to make military product introductions to cheering throngs of fans. For a calendar year.

Recast and miscast, respectively, are Don Cheadle and Scarlett Johansson as frenemy James Rhodes who becomes the silver version of Iron Man known as War Machine and as Natasha Romanov who reveals herself to be the worldy superspy Black Widow. Cheadle's not awful, but plays no real role other than to strap on a suit in order to fight Stark when he's drunk. In what purports to be the film's climax, War Machine's weapons get hacked into and he attempts to shoot Iron Man, but the fact that he can warn Stark about every threat diminishes any potential tension more than a little bit. Johansson, while she can certainly fill out a black catsuit, isn't right for the role, as her apple-cheeked sexiness doesn't exactly scream "exotic Eastern European assassin."

Amidst these subplots is Tony Stark's search for a new element to add to the periodic table and replace the power core that keeps his heart pumping. Watching the protagonist research technological upgrades via old videotapes and new virtual screens does not a thrillride make. It's really one of the dullest superhero movies in recent memory – aside from some fun lines from Downey, Jr and nods to other heroes (Nick Fury, Thor, Captain America, etc.) there's nothing of consequence here. Tony Stark gets sick and he's given the cure. His assistant Pepper Potts gets promoted to CEO and quits within a week. Bad robots appear and Iron Man shoots then. And so on. Aside from the murky idea of an arms race to make more Iron Man suits, there's nothing propelling the plot, no sense of danger that matters.

It's a real disappointment and wasted opportunity. Rather than capitalizing on a stunning debut, Iron Man 2 is about as exciting as ironing.